I Know Me Better Than You Know Yourself

Sometimes I'm afraid I'm changing. I don't know if it's for the worse or the better, but I'm afraid of losing myself and just not being "me" anymore. Afraid that I will no longer recognize myself. 

Tonight I discovered I know myself much better than I remembered, which pushed asides my doubts.

At the beginning of the quarter, I went on a leadership training camping trip for school. We wrote letters to ourselves, and the school just mailed me mine. I had completely forgotten about it. I received it several days ago, but didn't open it. The time just didn't feel right.

Lately, I've been a little anti social. Arizona doesn't feel the same after graduating and being gone for a year in Texas, then being away at school in Georgia. I seem to have forgotten who my friends are here and have lost interest in participating in very many social events. 

I've been avidly planning my future. I don't even know why. I've been thinking about internships, future jobs, studying abroad, serving a mission, becoming an EFY camp counselor, going to pilot school, teaching English in Russia, and most recently, I've been on a kick about backpacking through Europe. There's so much I want to do, and only so much money and time to do it. After researching tips on backpacking in Europe, I finally opened my letter.

I admittedly teared up when I read:

"If you don't have everything planned out, don't worry! Just go with the flow. Do what feels right for the time being. You don't need to plan your entire future right now, because it will change. Everything happens for a reason. Everything you do will occur for a reason."

It gets even more mushy, but I'll go ahead and leave out those more personal parts.

It felt like such a wake-up call. I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote that to myself, back in September. How did I know I'd be going crazy planning out my life? I've never been an organized planner or anything. 

Sometimes you know yourself better than you think. Stop and listen to your thoughts. Write them down. Your wisdom should be valued, especially by yourself. If you can't give advice to yourself, then who can you give it to?

Listen.

It's nice to know I'm still here. It's still me. I know myself.